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BlackZHawk
Teashi
XenoGear
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    Ishiziro, Seyra

    XenoGear
    XenoGear


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    Ishiziro, Seyra Empty Ishiziro, Seyra

    Post  XenoGear Mon Jun 28, 2010 7:51 pm

    Name►
    Ishiziro, Seyra (Last, First)

    Gender►
    (M)

    Age►
    29

    Personality►

    Ishiziro is a soft spoken man. He is a man who rarely speaks unless he is spoken to. Despite his soft spoken nature, when spoken to, it is a hard conversation to stop. He will ramble on and on about the topic at hand until the person leaves. Ishiziro is also a very good motivator. He can motivate his friends to do just about anything. Because of this, his friends usually go to him for advice. Ishiziro is not afraid of embarrassment no matter how high the level of embarrassment. He simply shrugs it off and laughs with the people around him like a good joke was told. Ishiziro also feels he is a leader. He always wants to be the head of a project. This is probably because he feels that if someone else does something, it will turn out wrong. This leads to him being skeptic. He looks for others to have authority, yet he is afraid of it. Despite this, he swallows down the worry of other people messing things up and lets them handle it. He trusts them. This also leads to another trait of Ishiziro's personality. He is very trustworthy. He is not afraid to embed his trust into others.

    Appearance►

    Ishiziro has soft, greyish hair. It is quite long, nearly down to the tip of his mouth. He also fairly tall and built with eyes like fog. He has a slight aftershave and droopy eyes. His nose ends in a barely noticeable curve.

    Spoiler:



    Rank►

    Tsuchikage


    Chakra Affinity►

    Earth

    Secondary Affinity►

    Water

    Inventory►

    x25 Shuriken
    x10 Kunai
    x10 Paper Bombs

    Weapon►
    Ishiziro, Seyra Noctis_Sword___FFXIII_Cosplay_by_Am

    A huge sword that is surprisingly light.

    Fighting style►

    Ninjutsu

    Jutsu►

    Ninjutsu
    Spoiler:

    DOTON
    Spoiler:

    SUITON
    Spoiler:

    MUD
    Spoiler:


    MORE WILL BE ADDED LATER.


    Story►

    Ishiziro was an only child who grew up in an abusive family. His father, coming home late from work, drunk, tired, and sweaty, would often beat Ishiziro and his mother. Defenseless, they would take the punishment and try to hold back every tear they could. Every tear that escaped would be worth an extra punishment. Every day they would wait for the man that they called family to come home and beat them. The pain was unbearable, but it was something that they had to deal with every day. As Ishiziro grew up, he grew more and more fed up with his father's behavior. He hated that his mother would stay married to such a monster. He couldn't believe that she could bear such pain. Fed up and tired of his father's behavior, Ishiziro killed him in his sleep. He took his life with the knife that his mother had given him as a young boy, as was the custom of the village. As he killed him, Ishiziro had to keep reminding himself that the blood being shed was for the good of the family, that he was not a criminal. Despite these reminders, he still felt like one. At only ten years of age he took his father's life. The very life that had farmed the body that Ishiziro lives in today.

    As an Academy Student, Ishiziro had many friends. These friends of his loved him deeply, as he loved them. He cherished them and vowed to protect them from the evil that the world is exposed to. This bold promise made him the man that he is today.

    In the Academy, Ishiziro was not a top student, nor was he at the bottom of the class. He was an average student who, like any other, did his homework, studied, and turned in tests. He went about the days as an Academy Student well. His mother usually told him to cherish these days because the road ahead was a rough one full of lies and deceit. This in mind, he would train day in and day out honing his skills. His dream was to protect his village against those who thwart against it. He wanted to be Tsuchikage.

    Ishiziro's Genin days were the ones he enjoyed the most. His squad mates were of high quality and his sensei was a sight to behold. He watched him practice and tried to copy his techniques. He swore that he would not become Tsuchikage until he beat his sensei. Having this in his mind, he often challenged his sensei to combat. His sensei refused and told him that when the day comes, he would be ready. Ishiziro's squad mates tried, best they could, to help him follow his dream. They helped him train and they taught him the virtues of a leader. He cherished these people in his life dearly and kept them close.

    They went on many missions together, but Ishiziro remembered only one. The mission was simple, retrieve and deliver a message from one elder to another. Simple enough, they went into this mission careless. Their carelessness got the better of them. On their way to the elder, they encountered a rogue ninja from their village. He spotted them and chased them down. Only Ishiziro and his sensei escaped. The rest of the squad was slaughtered. This event tainted Ishiziro's memory. It filled him with pain and anguish. He told himself that if he ever encountered that man again, he would take his life. Take the very life that saw itself so highly that it allowed itself to murder another human being. What a low human being. No one is allowed to take another person's life for no reason. That event reminded Ishiziro of how he murdered his father. After that, Ishiziro forgot about his dream to be Tsuchikage. He stopped training and started living a regular life until his sensei came and talked to him. He reminded him about his dream and he told him that if he were ever to avenge his fallen squad mates he would have to keep on training. And so he did.They never replaced Ishiziro's squad mates, he was a lone soldier, the last remaining ninja, besides his sensei, in his squad.

    As the Chuunin exams rolled along, Ishiziro was filled with worry. He would have to fight in front of hundreds of people. He was never confronted with something like this before. His palms grew sweaty and his heart raced through the entire exams. He passed the first two exams flawlessly and became unsurpassed in the last challenge. Even after he became a Chuunin, he was still worried, but also happy. It was a happiness unlike any other he had felt in his entire life.

    After the exam, he asked his sensei, one more time, for a fight. His sensei smiled and agreed to fight him, but warned him that he would not go easy on him. As they walked towards the training ground, Ishiziro spotted the rogue ninja that had taken the life of his squad mates. Immediately, Ishiziro started running towards him. A risky move, but he let his anger get to him. As he approached, he landed a hard kick to the rogue ninja's face. The element of surprise had prevailed him, now was time to go for the kill. Ishiziro took removed a kunai from his satchlet and stabbed the rogue ninja in the heart. Ishiziro felt no happiness, in fact, he didn't feel anything. His sensei, stunned, decided to call it a day and head home.

    As the next day arrived, he and his sensei finally had the fight that Ishiziro had anxiously been waiting for. Ishiziro had barely won, but he did. Not soon after, Ishiziro was named Tsuchikage.




    Last edited by XenoGear on Wed Jun 30, 2010 9:45 pm; edited 20 times in total
    Teashi
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    Ishiziro, Seyra Empty Re: Ishiziro, Seyra

    Post  Teashi Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:03 pm

    After reading through a second time I noticed this:

    "Hyouton: Koori-Mizu Tsuin Atama no Haidora [Ice Release: Ice-Water Twin Headed Hydra]
    Rank: S
    Requirements: None
    Description: This technique produces two dragons, one of ice and one of water, which fuse together to form a dragon, with two heads. If a head is destroyed it is able to regenerate, with extra chakra used, but this technique can be very draining as the size and power of the jutsu makes it hard to maintain. The ice head is capable of exploding, and sending shards of ice at the enemy as well, where the water can be used to surround the enemy and trap, or with better chakra control, even drown, or crush the opponent. But once again this technique is very draining on the user, and therefore cannot be used too much and for too long."

    You cannot use ice unless you have the kekkei genkai for it, and as of now it's (For the most part) a Kirigakure only thing.

    Other than that, I see no current problems! Expect comments by other Kage/Kuro.
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:05 pm

    Fixed it!
    BlackZHawk
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    Post  BlackZHawk Mon Jun 28, 2010 9:24 pm

    For now it looks fine. I did a rough skim, although I will fully look it over when you get all our jutsu in

    For your story, you are the kage and I think you should have a bigger story. I think that for most of the kage's if they don't have a long story. But it's your choice.

    For now it looks fine, I will look it over when you have gotten your ninjutsu and stuff in
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Mon Jun 28, 2010 9:25 pm

    I think the story is fine. My character didn't even get to Jounin so I couldn't really describe that..

    But I'll be adding more tomorrow.

    Edit: Added some right now.
    Kaiden
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    Post  Kaiden Mon Jun 28, 2010 10:02 pm

    That doesn't really make sense hat you didn't make jounin, probably wouldn't have made you Kage otherwise.
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Mon Jun 28, 2010 10:04 pm

    Rank doesn't mean anything... Its fine that I didn't make Jounin
    Teashi
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    Post  Teashi Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:56 pm

    "Suiton: Shiryoku [Water Release: Sight] (Doujutsu)
    Rank: D
    Requirements: None.
    Description: The user is able to see light without it being bent by water. This allows them to see through a mist, or to the bottom of a pond.

    Doton: Tera Myu-zika [Earth Release: Terra Musica]
    Rank: C
    Requirements: Musical Seals.
    Description: The user will play music, and the ground under the enemy will begin to shake, and waves will run through it. This also makes soil fairly loose, which can be good for farming certain crops. This technique does not require hand seals."

    These two are really the only ones I had any problems with. The first one, a doujutsu, would require a kekkei genkai I believe, an eye kekkei genkai. As far as a I know at least.

    The second one also seems like it would require a kekkei genkai, I'm not exactly sure though. I'll leave it up to someone else to say whether or not you could use them with/without the kekkei genkai.

    Finally, your story was great : D
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:57 pm

    Thanks for the compliment on my story!

    If anything I'll just delete those two.
    Kenji
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    Post  Kenji Tue Jun 29, 2010 8:24 am

    I'm going to approve this because you're very efficient at correcting it quickly. i think it's kage material and if any of the kuro/kage have any more problems with it fix them but i think it's ok.
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Tue Jun 29, 2010 11:32 am

    Thank you! n,n
    Kago
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    Post  Kago Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:26 pm

    I'm sorry but, Your not getting a Chakra Shield that blocks all Ninjutsu up to B Rank. No. Just No.

    Other than that, all i see is that you may want a few more jutsu and edit the changes above, if you havent done so already.

    As for the Ice, you must be from the Kirigakure clan, Aisu.
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:29 pm

    Kago wrote:I'm sorry but, Your not getting a Chakra Shield that blocks all Ninjutsu up to B Rank. No. Just No.

    Other than that, all i see is that you may want a few more jutsu and edit the changes above, if you havent done so already.

    As for the Ice, you must be from the Kirigakure clan, Aisu.

    I removed the shield.

    Also, I removed the ice jutsu.

    And I feel I have enough jutsu.
    BlackZHawk
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    Post  BlackZHawk Wed Jun 30, 2010 9:46 pm

    Pretty much if you have done what everyone else has then it looks fine

    I had to agree with the shield that was kind of cheapish... (sorry just my opinion).

    just clean up your jutsu like make sure everything has titles for their sections and make sure every jutsu is in it's appropriate section.

    Anyone else have any other problems?
    XenoGear
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    Post  XenoGear Wed Jun 30, 2010 9:46 pm

    BlackZHawk wrote:Pretty much if you have done what everyone else has then it looks fine

    I had to agree with the shield that was kind of cheapish... (sorry just my opinion).

    just clean up your jutsu like make sure everything has titles for their sections and make sure every jutsu is in it's appropriate section.

    Anyone else have any other problems?

    Everything is fixed and the weapon has been changed.
    Akane
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    Post  Akane Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:02 am

    So far this is the stuff that i caught. Ill go over the story tommorow when i have time.

    Kami Shuriken [Paper Shuriken]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: Paper.
    Description: The user folds a piece of paper into a star shape and throws it with enough force that it functions the same way a normal shuriken can, and can cause as much harm as a normal shuriken could. Shuriken produced this way can be used for other shuriken techniques.

    Chakra Kami Nawa [Chakra Hair Rope]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: A Lot Of Hair.
    Description: A Ninjutsu technique requiring quite a lot of hair to be scattered around the opponent's feet, under the guise of the ninja snapping mentally. Showing no apparent danger, the opponent should not suspect the hair as a weapon. But placing their hands on the path of hair in front of them, the ninja using this technique can make a powerful rope of hair by channeling their chakra through it, limiting the opponent's movement to simply pivoting in place. This sets them up for a more devastating attack, like the Shintenshin no Jutsu [Art of the Valentine].

    Harigane Gappei [Meld Wire/Wire Fusion]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: Wire
    Description: This allows the user to turn a loop of wire into one solid piece, trapping an individual such that Nawanuke no Jutsu cannot help them escape. This ability doesn't require handseals.

    The 3 above i do not like since paper is only Konans ability, hair rope was Sakura, and the wire melding is not needed and you do not posses an actual way to do such.

    Kusai [Stinking]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: None.
    Description: A technique similar to the Utsusemi no Jutsu [Projection Technique]. This time, the user takes there smell and relocates it else where. This can be used to confuse animals, or those whom specialize in smelling.

    ^^This is either not being approved or you will need to add that your normal smell still stays on you aswell. You can't just have your smell relocate and you no longer give off the scent.

    Doton: Tera Myu-zika [Earth Release: Terra Musica]
    Rank: C
    Requirements: Musical Seals.
    Description: The user will play music, and the ground under the enemy will begin to shake, and waves will run through it. This also makes soil fairly loose, which can be good for farming certain crops. This technique does not require hand seals.

    You have no means of creating sound so this will not make it.

    Doton: Retsudotensho [Earth Release: Split Earth Turn Around Palm]
    Rank: B
    Requirements: None.
    Description: This technique allows the ninja to control nearby rocks and stones that surround the enemy and will begin to hit and spin about crushing all those trapped within it.

    Plain don't like the idea of this.

    Doton: Awasekagami [Earth Release: Earth Mirrors]
    Rank: A
    Requirements: None.
    Description: In the first phase of the jutsu, the user create a one sided ‘mirror’ of earth (the entry side is where the user is, and the exit side is where the user sets it to be and the mirror is then used as a portal between the two sides). This ‘mirror’ allows the user to send any physical attack, from the entry ‘mirror’ to the exit ‘mirror’ only on the exit side the attack is copied by earth and that is what hits (the earth can’t be sustained long in this stage.).

    In the second phase of the jutsu, the same ‘mirror’ is formed, only this time the attacks can be longer and could still be made by the exit ‘mirror’ (is used for binding and such).

    In the third stage of the jutsu, the same ‘mirror’ effect is applied, only it is able to send attacks that are not necessarily physical, such as jutsu. And also this stage, allows real body transfer, meaning it can be used as a teleporting device, or to throw real things from one place to another.

    When casting this jutsu, it starts out at phase 1, and the user must maintain it for a full post in order for it to move on to the next phase, and 1 more to move on to the last phase.

    I can see this being exploited also you do not say how it is kept maintained so for now i would not approve.

    Nameoryuu no Jutsu [Earth Dragon Technique]
    Rank: A
    Requirements: None.
    Description: The user initiates with a long sequence of handseals. Afterward, a vortex of mud appears near the user within the ground, and from that port-like gap emerges a grayish brown dragon made of very solid rocks. The dragon assaults the target with force enough to rupture the ground in a large area around where it struck, causing any buildings, trees, of parts of mountains/hills nearby to crumble. It consumes a large amount of chakra in exchange for the high degree of destructive power.

    This would need to be S rank and need more description about the dragon such as size, appearance and all that stuff.

    Suiton: Rokujou [Water Release: Poseidon’s Anger]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: None.
    Description: After performing the set of handseals, all water sources nearby begin to ripple and progressively get worse until they begin making violent waves, vicious currents or both. This jutsu is not an attack as such but makes moving about in water (such as Suimen or Swimming) almost impossible because of the effects.

    Needs a higher rank to effect that much.

    Suiton: Shiryoku [Water Release: Sight] (Doujutsu)
    Rank: D
    Requirements: None.
    Description: The user is able to see light without it being bent by water. This allows them to see through a mist, or to the bottom of a pond.

    Dojutsu will not be allowed on this character. They are considered kekkai genkai. As such unapproved.

    Suiton: Suihou [Water Release: Bubble]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: None.
    Description: By placing one hand on a source of water and injecting chakra into it, the user of this technique forces bubbles to form (just like a bubble bath) and form around the area of the user in order to block visibility. The height and width of this bubbly mess depends on how much chakra the user puts into the jutsu with a greater amount of chakra creating a larger area of effect. In addition, the dampness of the bubbles soaks into clothing for anyone who ventures into the area of effect and therefore may lead to damp clothing which limits maneuverability.

    Suiton: Baberu Bi-mu [Water Release: Bubble Beam]
    Rank: D
    Requirements: None.
    Description: The user will start with a few handseals before being able to release a stream of bubbles from his mouth. These bubbles will shoot at good speed towards the target, and will explode upon contact causing them to flinch. A skilled Suiton user can make the bursting of those bubbles rather painful.

    Anything to do with bubbles is not allowed on this character. It is special water techniques that i do not feel you should possess and another kage already has them.

    Suiton: Ningyou no Funryuu Ito [Water Release: Water Jet Puppet Strings]
    Rank: C
    Requirements: Kugutsu no jutsu.
    Description: After using Kugutsu no jutsu the user will apply elemental affinity to their strings in this case water. Only five strings can be made at any time because of the added focus in applying the element. No other jutsu that requires seals can be preformed unless this one is canceled for obvious reasons. After extending the strings from their finger tips each will become like a high power jet of water which can only reach about 15 meters. They strike the enemy with enough force to cause bruising and knock back. Until canceled the jets will continue to spray and slowly drain on chakra. Does not require handseals.

    This seems like a puppet users technique and is even worded in such a way so im not seeing it working.

    Suiton: Mizu no Kyoushikyoku [Water Release: Rhapsody of Water]
    Rank: B
    Requirements: None.
    Description: The user performs several handseals causing jets of water to shoot up around the user, who is in contact with the target. The user then knocks the target to their back and leaps away while the jets of water slam down toward the target.

    Does not make sense on whats going on.

    Chakra Ame no Jutsu [Chakra Detecting Rain]
    Rank: A
    Requirements: Suiton: Ame Yose no Jutsu.
    Description: The user creates a downpour of rain over a wide area. The user's chakra is still connected to the rain and can detect all disturbances in it. This can be used to locate objects or persons being struck by the rain.

    Not allowing this.

    Hyouton: Idaina Keibitai - Gurando Keimusho [Ice Release: Mighty Guard - Grand prison]
    Rank:S
    Requirements: Suiton and Hyouton Elements.
    Description: It will begin by creating a giant ice barrier, which will surround the user, or desired target. For the mighty guard technique, the user will then summon a water barrier in beneath the ice barrier. The two will act in a cycle feeding off the other. as the ice is chipped away, water will fill in through the cracks, and re form into ice, at a high speed, and keep the barrier strong, not allowing any attacks in. As well, the ice barrier can send spikes from the outer walls, and reform from the water, for those who venture to close, or can fire them, for those who stay back.

    The grand prison technique is almost the exact opposite in theory. Instead of place the water barrier beneath the ice, it surrounds the outer layer of the barrier, and thus keeping the target inside. As well, spikes can form from the ice wall, or fire from the ice wall, and pierce the target within. Both techniques are very strong, and only the strongest of attacks can actually penetrate and destroy the barrier itself. This technique is also one which is very draining in chakra, and only those with a great amount of chakra, and chakra control, can use this technique more than once, with minimal consequences on the body.

    Remove it, you dont have ice.

    Water Release: Water Transformation
    Rank: A
    Requirements: Water
    The user absorbs as much water as possible and turns it into chakra.

    not happening.
    Kaiden
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    Post  Kaiden Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:11 am

    I have to say, did no one but Akane look through all the jutsu(I didn't look through one of them Razz). I have to say, just from what Akane posted of disallowed jutsu it seems you tried to just copy justu form every ninja in the series or you tried to find away around every weakness a ninja could have. We're not here as Kage to create OP ninja that beat everyone. The Kage should be setting examples for other members and you clearly are not. Please think about your application more of consider applying for a different rank.
    BlackZHawk
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    Post  BlackZHawk Thu Jul 01, 2010 9:37 am

    dang... now I feel like I've let down my duty.............. ugh I got to try harder. Sorry Akane.
    Akane
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    Post  Akane Thu Jul 01, 2010 10:10 am

    No worries guys, i can be a bit more harsh about judging someone. Just how i do it.
    There was more i was skeptic on but did not list them.

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